User blog:Ruiner13/WrestleMania 23 Review

(I've been writing reviews for the PPVs ever since I was thoroughly disappointed with WM23. They're quite old and this is truly the first time I've set them up online. Enjoy.)

(This was written April-May 2007.)

WWE WrestleMania 23

From the opening sequence this year's WrestleMania already seemed... well, different's the word I'll use for right now. The "All Grown Up" motif for this year seemed to concentrate on one single demographic: Children. With superstars telling of their earliest recollections as pertaining to Sports-Entertainment they surface that inner will within us that makes us say, "I can do it too." Well that's all fine and dandy, but what I cared about the most was the card line-up. Weeks before the show would air I often predicted the order of the matches for the Granddaddy, until the real show began; I was deeply disappointed with the fact that some of my predictions were quickly thrown out the window. Aside from the order of the card the wrestlers within the card were also a concern. Very clearly the most superfluous match of the night was the Money in the Bank. For the past two years the match held wrestlers that most likely find themselves on the mid-card on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays. But why of all whys did the WWE pack up this mediocre match (and I say mediocre pertaining to this year's Mania) with some of the main eventers of the past year? Why were Edge, Randy Orton, and King Booker placed in such an insipid match-up when they could’ve mustered up at least passable matches in other types of bouts? I still cringe at the fact that we could have seen Edge v. Randy Orton... but we didn't. Instead we saw Edge "wrestle" for what seemed 5 minutes until he was taken out by the daredevil Jeff Hardy. Randy Orton had some high spots in the match, such as an RKO from the ladder, but he's a mat wrestler; I have no intention of seeing him climb up a ladder like a, well, mid-carder. And the same goes for the King, Booker T was probably the least memorable portion of the match when all of last summer and fall he sat atop the world as Heavyweight Champion. Furthermore, big names like Carlito, Chris Masters, Ric Flair, Johnny Nitro, Chavo Guerrero, among many others did not taste WrestleMania this year, a big con when speaking of 23. Although the Batista-Undertaker match went on too early it still amazed me and was probably the best match of the night. Finally, the main-event was what everyone in the world who has a shred of wrestling knowledge instead of temporary infatuation for this sport of kings says it seemed as though it was an encore from last year, and quite frankly it was. Overall, each match tells a story and I will try my best to decipher it.

Money in the Bank Ladder match

CM Punk v. Mr. Kennedy v. Finlay v. Edge v. King Booker v. Randy Orton v. Matt Hardy v. Jeff Hardy

First of all the biggest reason why I thought this match would be the disaster it became was the fact that there were 8, yes count 'em, 8 men involved in the match. I'm not going to plead redundancy but still with 8 men involved of the past two MIBs this one had the least action. Now I wasn't expecting any Benjaminesque maneuvers from Orton or Booker but at times the ring only held two wrestlers at a time. Now where were the other 6? After a while though it did become a six-man ladder match as Jeff Hardy gave us probably the only highlight of the match when he delivered a senton on top of Edge, who was draped across another ladder no less. After these two were seen unfit to continue in the match Matt and Orton and company carried on. For about the last remaining quarter of the match it was all Kennedy and Finlay. I thought this match's finish was a great one, due to the fact that Kennedy is on the road to gold and Edge would suffer his first loss at 'Mania without being pinned or submitting. And Kennedy's reaction spoke louder than the words he so proudly lays upon us every chance he has. Overall, the match lacked much action but its finish took the cake.

3.5***-

Kane v. Great Khali

I must admit that I had some high expectations for this match, much to the fact that Kane is slowly becoming a predominant superstar within the WWE and is surely to go into title contention again in the near future. Although Khali may not be as talented as the other giants the WWE has given us in the past the likes of Yokozuna, Sycho Sid, and heck even Heidenreich, there's some talent in him that, gosh darn it, must be found and made good use of. Still, I found it pretty stupid that WWE paralleled Kane's slamming Khali to Hogan's slamming Andre. Plus, I thought the whole hook thing could have been used better. Instead all it was used for was a glorified low blow. Uh Kane... that's why God gave us legs and arms. And speaking of which, what was up with the whole pentagram satanic mumbo jumbo incorporated in his intro? The match went on shorter than what takes me to brush my teeth. If you blinked you probably missed this match, but not to worry, you didn't miss much.

1.5 *-

United States Championship

Chris Benoit vs. MVP

The weeks leading up to MVP's championship match at his first ever 'Mania I thought were cheap attempts at making MVP look cool and get some cheap laughs. But I must say that I did not find myself laughing. This was one match, of many I might add, on the card that had no significant build-up. As the clock-ticking counted down MVP's arrival the people stood up as MVP, clad in Old Glory's colors, made his way to the entranceway accompanied by a flock of cheerleaders who cheered him all the way to the ring. Although not many may have thought the same as I did, MVP seemed different as he made his way to the ring. As if though he had matured. Whatever it was I wanted to see more. Then the Rabid Wolverine made his way to the battlefield. He presented the referee with the title he had been holding since October and the match went under way. Because MVP is mostly a charismatic wrestler I wasn't expecting much from this match-up, but to my surprise, I was greatly mistaken. With poise and ease MVP countered hold-for-hold as he went toe-to-toe with the veteran that is Benoit, much to the acknowledgment of both of SmackDown’s commentators. MVP wrestled a solid match and Benoit was above par. In what had to be the worst WrestleMania, nay, wrestling crowd ever the crowd just wasn't into this match and not many oohs and aahs were heard during this match-up which I thought greatly hurt the outcome of it. Nevertheless, Benoit vindicated himself this year by pinning MVP after a piercing headbutt from the top rope after last year's flop with JBL, the very same man who was now singing his praises behind the announcers' booth. Very easily the best match of the night, MVP fights the Crippler but to no avail, although this will be the first of a slew of many great 'Mania fights for the up-and-comer Montel Vontavious Porter. As for the Crippler, another chapter closed. Or so it seems...

7.5******-

World Heavyweight Championship

Batista vs. Undertaker

Riding with a wave from SmackDown Batista entered the warzone as World Champion, though to the chagrin of many within the arena, and completed his homecoming since winning that said title 2 years ago. Would WrestleMania 23 be fateful to Batista as 21 was? The man who had the answer was the 20-year veteran Undertaker who came in in classic style. Although many were surprised by the fact that the World Champion and the winner of the Royal Rumble were the 4th match on the card (similar to last year's WrestleMania where the winner of the Royal Rumble also did not have the main event spot) many were ready for this match-up. Let's go back in history for a bit. Early summer in 2005 history was made when due to the draft lottery Batista jumped to the SmackDown brand and quickly fell into a rivalry with the pontificating JBL. At the Great American Bash in 2005 Batista retained his title after losing his Championship match with JBL by disqualification, and on the same night Undertaker defeated the soon-departing Muhammed Hassan to become the number one contender by default. Nevertheless, the WWE for some reason at that juncture found fit if JBL fought Batista again at SummerSlam and Undertaker-Batista became a fantasy match. Now almost two years later that said match became a reality as the bell rung and Batista gored the unsuspecting Undertaker to start their match. The months prior to this match I saw Batista go into a slump, a sort of wrestler's block if you will, where I saw him wrestle listlessly for many months since regaining the title, which made me question Batista's drive. Nonetheless, Batista redeemed himself at the Grandest Stage of them All as he wrestled a fantastic match with the Undertaker and in many people's eyes stole the show with their contest. Clearly, a defining moment for Batista, to heel to the likes of the great, legendary, and timeless Undertaker who picked up his fifth World Championship.

7*******

ECW Originals vs. the New Breed

Rob Van Dam, Sabu, the Sandman, and Tommy Dreamer v. Elijah Burke, Kevin Thorn, Marcus Cor Von, and Matt Striker

I bet many had forgotten by the time WrestleMania 23 came about that RVD had been WWE Champion some months before. And here was the Whole Freakin' Show alongside some of his ECW pals wrestling a gaggle of new wrestlers who by chance only made it to the 'Mania card. Not the sort of retribution RVD sought for his one month tenure as the champion. Nonetheless, I expected many good things to come about this match, such as a WrestleMania-fueled Pounce! I liked the fact that WWE actually let at least 7 of those wrestlers be 'Mania material for one night and gave them a chance to dance under the bright lights. But dance they didn't for the match lasted no more than 6 minutes. Yes, 6 minutes, 8 men leaving it all in the ring for the amazing time of 6 minutes. Ok, so these guys aren't necessarily the Rock or Austin but if WWE isn't going to respect these men enough to give them a memorable match or respectful at that, then don't insult them by giving them a match at the grandest stage of them all for less than 10-15 minutes. But oh well, I was expecting Lashley v. RVD for the title, but we all know where Lashley was and RVD instead gained retribution for ECW as he picked up the win after splashing Mr. Striker.

3.5***-

The Battle of the Billionaires Hair v. Hair Match

Intercontinental Champion Umaga (Representing Vincent K. McMahon) v. ECW Champion Bobby Lashley (Representing Donald Trump)

Stone Cold Steve Austin as Referee

Okay, many will go on record and say the whole Trump-McMahon thing was boring and whatnot, but I have to admit, it looked very smart and intriguing on paper. To have two of the most powerful men in America gamble each other's lock of hair was pure genius. And to save ourselves from watching two men make fools of themselves by trying to wrestle inside the squared-circle, they would each pick two other guys to fight for them was even smarter. So why did this match look so dumb? Umaga and Lashley are the future of the WWE. These two guys are not flavors of the month and have marketable status. Lashley is already getting some of that taste by being ECW champ, and Umaga has challenged Cena for the title on numerous occasions. Donald Trump is a slice of Americana and Mr. McMahon speaks for himself, but once again, what was wrong with this match? Not to mention the volatile special guest referee, the incomparable Mr. Stone Cold would be involved in this match; but why was it so stupid? I know why: Wrong place, wrong time. Apparently Mr. McMahon forgot that the biggest viewers of his wrestling shows today are little kids and teenagers who find Mr. Cena, Mr. Taker and Mr. Batista appealing and not some old millionaire and the boss of the show. Not to mention, Lashley and Umaga didn't really do anything special, reminiscent of Goldberg v. Lesnar at WM XX. Even the finish wasn't retribution enough for this lackluster match. Having to see Mr. McMahon get his head shaved bald isn't necessarily a big "hope" in my "I Hope this certain something one day happens" list. The match lacked action, Trump and McMahon outside the ring adds a big exclamation point to the term Sports-Entertainment, and the stunner on Trump will be edited to hell. Thanks for coming Mr. Trump, don't let the door hit you on your billion-dollar ass on the way out.

3***

WWE Women's Championship Lumberjill Match

Melina vs. Ashley

There must be a new rule in WWE. "Hey girls, you guys want to wrestle at WrestleMania regardless of your in-ring talent? Pose for Playboy and lose at WrestleMania to the other chick that actually has some talent!" (Does not pertain to Torrie Wilson) The new Playboy Cover girl Ashley had gotten herself into a little feud with the Women's Champion Melina a few weeks prior to Mania. So how could they settle their little problem? Why, have a match at WrestleMania, that's how! And let's throw in a little bit of divas in the mix by having the entire Women's roster stay outside and keep the trouble outside at bay, hence a Lumberjill match. And finally, why not make it for the Women's title? So what do you get? A lackluster match-up that does no justice to the Women's division. Long gone are the days of Lita and Trish Stratus, arguably the two greatest female wrestlers the WWE has ever seen in their long, historic run. There was one particular girl outside the ring who goes by the name of Mickie James. Now she has some spunk as opposed to the very idiotic Ashley who gains her popularity through her looks. Not necessarily a bad thing but why place her in the Granddaddy when she has absolutely no in-ring talent, well, other than lingerie competitions and whatnot? Melina is set to be the greatest heel female wrestler ever and perhaps we will gain some closure next year with Melina vs. Mickie. But for now, we must be happy that Melina retained her title... and I use that term loosely.

1.5*-

WWE Championship

John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Who cares what HBK thought of this match? Who cares what John Cena drove into the arena? Who cares if some kid streaked prior to the match? All that matters at the end of the day is if the main event lived up to its moniker, that is, the main event. And ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to inform you that the not-so-heavily-promoted main event for WrestleMania did not live up to main event status. Instead, we saw what was to become the first of many main events concerning RAW. And no not just at PPVs but at RAW shows as well. John Cena's and Shawn Michaels' techniques differ greatly, what with HBK being a mat-wrestler plus a high-flyer while Cena is clotheslines and poweslams galore. If you actually expected a show-stealer, I don't blame you. To give the devil his due Cena is the hottest star right now and there isn't anything to be said about HBK that hasn't been said before. Both being charismatic wrestlers, what is very popular right now, this match was probably the most waited-for match of the night. Probably why it was the main event of the evening. Following last year's suit John Cena who just can't help but look cool for the naysayers (it ain't working!) drove a recent model of the Ford Mustang into the Ford Field, very apropos may I add. Shawn Michaels danced his way to the ring, dancing to the DX tune, apparently to close the year-long chapter of the DX Era of 2006, which was very appropriate, much to the fact that HBK himself started it last year when he gave the infamous crotch chop to the boss before imploding him. Nonetheless, it's not the entrances that make the match; the match makes the match, the men make the match. From the start of the bell it was WrestleMania XII all over again for the Showstopper as he brought Cena to the mat-wrestling game, working on his legs for the first part of the match. Cena fought back of course, and over the course of the match we saw a back and forth encounter. Nothing special, until the signature moves came into play. Well, what is a charismatic-fueled match without the signature moves? A "memorable" part of the match was when HBK ala Eddie Guerrero reversed the ever-powerful F-U into a tornado DDT. How about when HBK drove Cena's heart out of his body with a top-rope elbow drop? Or how about the STFU that Cena used to make HBK tap out?! Or how about the... oh, wait, that's it, that's the match. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cena with a stroke of luck made the timeless Shawn Michaels tap out to Cena's version of the STF (the version being the move is very awkwardly applied.) As HBK declined to shake Cena's hand as he left the ring those who watched last year's disappointing Mania experienced the same finish as last year when Cena fought the second half of DX, Triple H. In the end, it could have been a great match if only John Cena weren't so John Cenaesque. If you fell asleep to this match just pop in the Mania 22 DVD and imagine HHH as HBK, heck pop it into the computer and juxtaposition HBK's face onto HHH's and there's your main event for WrestleMania 23.

2.5**-

I will quote myself of the time when I said to someone, "if WrestleMania 23 sucks, then all of 2007 will suck." At this juncture I wish it weren't so, but to hell, it might be. So far, the contenders for the WWE Championship seem to be Edge, again, HBK, again, HHH when he comes back... again... and oh, here's a good match, Randy Orton. When will WWE wise up and give us Orton-Cena? The new Mr. Money in the Bank will soon make his mark on SmackDown! Look forward to watching Mr. Kennedy rule the latter part of 2007. Eventually, after the whole thing with McMahon is done Lashley will have to face the only man to ever hold the WWE Championship and ECW Championship, Mr. Van Dam. If not, well, Rob Van Dam may have to jump brands, or hell, relocate to Orlando, Georgia, if you catch my drift. MVP will eventually become United States Champion and will be champion for quite some time. Maybe it's time for Benoit to be a 2-time, 2-time Heavyweight Champion of the World. Melina won't have to wait till WM24, for she'll probably face Mickie soon enough at an upcoming RAW or PPV. As for the boys who didn't make it to the card, now is the time to show McMahon you are WrestleMania material. Carlito, Johnny Nitro, Chris Masters all have the potential to be eventual contenders to the main event spot. Let's help them get there. Here's to 2007, here's to having a so-so year. See you at 24.

Ruiner13