Sun Buster

Career lesson: It helps to know people in high places.

Course Credit: Not available.

Background
The intern of the Hero is the extreme Hero of Kaiju and so you want... but he becomes has not risen in regard to ranking hugely and stand yet! That after expressing, the summary resume which is full with behavior verb him was employed the eye of Kaiju director, in the hero of the training program, caught (for the only course confidence). The coffee is taken, in spite even in the quick success where badness it fights cocky attitude led star sailor pirate to the defeat which crushes with Giii directly. Now, the intern of attitude and the Hero who increased with Hero insufficient favor it comes returning. Does he achieve the state of the Hero full-time? It waits the life and complete medical science and dentistry advantage of venture!

A Hero In Training
It's a Friday night: you could go see a movie with your girlfriend, but Spiderman 5 won't be out for a while, so what's the point? Besides - did you say girlfriend? That's as foreign a concept to you as NOT keeping up with the current season of Battlestar Gallactica. No, it's a big world out there: it might be for the best that you don't propagate. At least no one will have to inherit your asthma! It may be hard to swallow that you're actually doing your species a favor by sitting there listening to Dragonforce while wearing out your Wii wand, but as the saying goes, "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility."

If you feel any kinship to the sentiments above, then the Hero Intern might just be the flag you pledge allegiance to. As part of the Kaiju Commisioner's "Hero Intern Program" to breed a new generation of champions to combat the growing Kaiju monster threat, this guy somehow made it through the application process: Hero Intern's File Photo

Behold Walter "Wally" Wallace *, your Hero Intern! We're all going to die...

Under the tutelage of Kaiju greats American Beetle, Los Plantanos and Neo Teppen, the Intern was given a "Heroic" helmet and some on the job training. Before he even figured out how to work the copier at Kaiju HQ, the Intern was called upon to extend Call-Me-Kevin's losing streak at the Area 57 Big Battel. When he managed to make the pin in his debut Battel, he was awarded a pair of sweet green leg gauntlets and a round of Jello shots. After scoring another win at Someone Must Die! he was upgraded to "Hero-in-Training." At this point, it looked like there was no limit to the Hero Intern's winning ways, and a promotion to full-time Hero (with a parking pass, health, and dental!) seemed inevitable.

Along with his new title of Hero-In-Training however, the former Intern also acquired a new arrogant attitude. "Mr. Commissioner, sir" became "Yo, commish!", on-time became an hour late, and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed became hung-over and possibly still drunk. Inevitably, this undergrad 'tude led to a crushing defeat at "All Out War" at the claws of space pirate Giii, and the Hero-In-Training was demoted back to lowly Intern status and reassigned to the Heroes' training camp in Guatemala. Many speculated that this harsh punishment may have partially stemmed from resentment amongst certain Heroes, who frowned upon the Intern's "big fish, little pond" attitude in the "towels optional" Hero locker room.

Humiliated, the Hero Intern swore to turn things around. While in Guatemala, he gave up partying, carousing, cavorting, and scamming on chicks, and returned to the acne-ridden, home-body lifestyle that originally made him a Heroic wannabe. Like a LAN-party savant, he spent countless hours memorizing multi-hit combos on his super-powered arm controller. A steady diet of Cheetos, pepperoni hot pockets, and Bawls built up a protective layer of padding around his torso, and a Netflix queue full of Jackie Chan movies and wrestle-mania videos prepared him to unleash a barrage of highly improbable, barely-practical, and groin-smashingly hilarious martial arts maneuvers.

Then, when the untimely death of Pablo Plantain combined with the defection of Silver Potato to Dr. Cube's Posse thinned the Hero ranks, the Commissioner had the aspiring do-gooder re-start the Hero Intern training from scratch. While his rematch against Giii at Kaiju Big Battel: TV Pilot was technically a win for the Heroes, it was mired in controversy as he required outside assistance to secure victory. Heroic? Hardly even Heroic-in-training. Let's hope the Intern can continue to develop as a defender of helpless humans, or else the Commissioner will have to fire him and start cold-calling college career services departments. Hero Intern's File Photo

Once again, we're probably all going to die. Thanks, Hero Intern!

( * Yes, just like Beav Wallace: They're brothers.)